Lessons from EVOLV: Redefining Trauma and How to Help
I was recently honored to speak at a mental health event. While the setting was a wellness stage, the message is something I believe belongs in our everyday lives. Here is the heart of what I shared:
1. Trauma is a "Wound," Not a Competition
The word trauma comes from the Greek word for “wound.” In our culture, we often reserve this word for catastrophic events like 9/11 or severe abuse. But trauma is also the car accident, the bad breakup, or the childhood pain of a parent never making it to your baseball games.
If an experience has left you with an open emotional wound, it is trauma. We don't need to compare our pain; we just need to acknowledge that the wound exists so we can begin to heal it.
2. How to Be a Human for Other Humans
Society often leaves us unprepared to handle mental health struggles. We want to help, but we aren't always sure how. Here are a few ways to "hold space" for someone you care about:
Ask: Advice or Ears? Before jumping into "fix-it" mode, ask: "Do you need advice, or do you just need someone to listen?" Often, being heard is the only help someone actually needs.
Validate the "Suck": Avoid platitudes like "everything happens for a reason." Instead, try: "That sucks," or "It’s okay to not be okay."
Empathy vs. Sympathy: Sympathy stands at the top of the hole and offers a sandwich. Empathy crawls into the hole with you to show you the way out.
Specific Offers: Instead of saying "Let me know what I can do," offer something concrete: "I’d love to mow your lawn this week," or "Can I take you to lunch on Tuesday?"
3. The "Tissue" Theory and Boundaries
Did you know that handing someone a tissue while they are crying can sometimes subtly signal "stop crying"? While the intention is kind, sometimes the best help is just letting the tears fall.
Remember, you have limits. It is okay to say, "I’m not in the right headspace to talk about this right now, but can we go for a walk and discuss it on Saturday?" Setting a boundary isn't being unkind; it's ensuring you have the energy to stay helpful.
4. Why Talk Therapy Wasn't Enough for Me
I spent eight years in talk therapy. It gave me great coping skills, but I was still being triggered by PTSD. That is when I discovered EMDR Therapy.
Unlike regular talk therapy, EMDR focuses on the emotions and body sensations "stuck" in our limbic system—the brain's emotional center. If a car accident leaves you with the belief "I am not safe," EMDR helps your brain reprocess that trauma until you can truthfully arrive at the belief: "I am safe now."
About the Author
Sarah Lacy, LPCC is an EMDR Specialist and Life Coach based in Rocky River, Ohio. She provides in-person support to the Lakewood, Westlake, and Bay Village communities, as well as Telehealth sessions throughout the state.
If these words resonate with you, reach out to take the next step in your healing journey.
