The 12 Steps for Everyone: Tending the Garden of the Self
A Universal Framework
The first step of Alcoholics Anonymous is: “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol, and that our lives had become unmanageable.” But if we change just one word, it becomes a universal truth for mental health: “We admitted we were powerless over our symptoms, and our lives had become unmanageable.” Whether it is a panic attack taking the driver’s seat or depression making it impossible to get out of bed, we all experience moments where our symptoms take control.
The Garden Metaphor
To understand how the 12 Steps work as a guideline for life, picture an overgrown, untamed garden.
Step 1: Acknowledging the garden needs work.
Step 2: Realizing you need tools other than yourself (a shovel, a rake, a guide).
Step 3: Being willing to actually use those tools.
Steps 4 & 5: Taking an inventory. What stays? What goes? Talking it over with a trusted source to gain insight.
Steps 6 & 7: Addressing "defects." Like a rose bush that won't bloom, we ask: Can this be saved? Or does it no longer serve us?
Steps 8 & 9: Amends. This is a change in behavior—ensuring we never let the garden become that unmanaged again.
Step 10: The daily checklist. Does the garden need water, mulch, or weeding today?
Step 11: Taking time to actually enjoy the garden through meditation and mindfulness.
Step 12: Showing someone else how to garden.
Real-World Application: The Concert Floor
You can use these steps in seconds to shift your perspective. I recently found myself frustrated at a concert, feeling crowded and bumped. I stepped back and ran the steps:
I am powerless over the crowd.
I believe tools other than "my anger" can help me.
I am willing to use them to find peace.
The Inventory: My "need to control" was the defect causing distress. While control helps me stay organized in my Life Coaching work, it wasn't serving me on a dance floor. I let it go.
A Path to Peace
The 12 Steps are not just for recovery; they are guidelines for a better way of life. Just as I use these steps to maintain my "internal garden," I use the structured approach of EMDR Therapy to help clients clear out the old "weeds" of trauma so they can finally begin to plant something new.
If this resonates with you, I highly recommend The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions or The Little Red Book. Remember: find the version of a "Higher Power"—whether it's Nature, the Universe, or a Grand Omnipresent Designer—that works for you.
About the Author
Sarah Lacy, LPCC is an EMDR Specialist and Life Coach based in Rocky River, Ohio. She provides in-person support to the Lakewood, Westlake, and Bay Village communities, as well as Telehealth sessions throughout the state.
If these words resonate with you, reach out to take the next step in your healing journey.
