Setting Boundaries and Finding Forgiveness: The Doors of a Healthy Relationship
Boundaries are Not Walls
There will come a time when someone close to you—a friend, a family member, or a partner—lets you down. When we are hurt repeatedly, it is a clear indicator that it is time to set boundaries. It is helpful to stop viewing boundaries as cold, sealed walls. Instead, think of them as doors. Sometimes the door is open, sometimes it’s locked, and sometimes it’s just closed for the day.
A boundary is not meant to control or hurt someone else. It is simply a tool used to keep a relationship healthy by protecting your own peace.
How to Set the "Door"
Not every boundary requires a long, dramatic heart-to-heart. Sometimes, a simple shift in behavior or a short phrase is enough:
The Simple Shift: Choosing not to drink with someone or saying "no" to an invitation.
The Direct Phrase:"I would rather not discuss that topic right now."
The "I" Statement: When a deeper discussion is needed, use the formula: "I feel [emotion] because [action], and I need [boundary]." Setting these limits can be intimidating. Practicing what you want to say with a trusted friend or a professional can help ensure your message is clear and your voice remains steady.
The Role of Forgiveness
The second half of this equation is forgiveness. The person who let you down is human—complete with their own mental health struggles, their own history, and their own side of the story.
While forgiveness is never mandatory, it is often necessary for your own freedom. Holding onto anger, sorrow, or pain acts like an anchor. Instead of carrying that weight, ask yourself: "What can I learn from this?" Learn the lesson, set the boundary, and forgive—not because they deserve it, but because you deserve peace.
Taking the Next Step
If you are struggling to find the words to set a boundary or finding it impossible to let go of a past hurt, you don't have to do it alone. Whether through Life Coaching to practice these conversations or EMDR therapy to process the pain that makes forgiveness feel out of reach, I am here to help you find your peace.
About the Author
Sarah Lacy, LPCC is an EMDR Specialist and Life Coach based in Rocky River, Ohio. She provides in-person support to the Lakewood, Westlake, and Bay Village communities, as well as Telehealth sessions throughout the state.
If these words resonate with you, reach out to take the next step in your healing journey.
